Today Stalin wake up to sound of servant tell me it is day to meet with evil American capitalist president Roosterbelts and greedy round angry heifer Mr. Churchill at yoga conference in Kremlin. (Stalin not know why he is call of Churchill, Stalin disagree, he is too big and noisy to fit in church building of great size.) I tell servant "Stalin no like yoga much and Kremlin only crossing of street so Stalin sleep for more time." He say, "no Stalin is not Kremlin, is Crimea, place of poor dirty gypsy country of Ukraine!" I look in eye and tell him "No!" and have guards take him to secret castle far far away. Guard then come and tell me gypsy village finish make the life size Iron Giant poster Stalin always dream of; it as tall as Stalin, 6 foot of height. I jump out of bed and go to gypsy village as fast as can. Many horse die in much speed, but is worth to get poster of Iron Giant!
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| Stalin forced to ride on horse because gypsies touch train station with filthy gypsy hands |
When Stalin get to gypsy village they show Iron Giant poster. I look at poster and immediately become sad; it too small and very bad, not like Stalin want. In punishment Stalin tell guard to burn gypsy village crops of many corn. Many people cry say, "no Stalin we will go very hungry if you do!" I say, "no is very funny, you see and watch." While crops burn in giant fire it remind me of fire of communism that spread so great. I say, "look gypsy, is great success!" They cry more and say "why you do Stalin? You ruin whole year of food supply!" I tell them "if not find funny then make better Iron Giant Poster that is 8 foot of height, as tall as Stalin!" I say, "if make good Iron Giant poster I only burn half crop next time." I tell them I come back after I go to yoga conference to win great triumph against capitalist Roosterbelts and always noisy Winnie Churchill. I tell them "I burn down gypsy house if do not make better iron giant poster when I arrive back." They cry but understand, Stalin knows best. Stalin is very great leader, he is 10 foot of height!
When I get to yoga conference Roosterbelts and whiny Churchill tell great news, they tell Stalin he is to get land of Germany. I tell them, "you make correct choice to let Stalin have country of Germany. Your lives will be spared when Stalin win with communism." But then Roosterbelts and annoying Churchill tell me very sneaky news, they say "no Stalin, you do not get all Germany, we divide Germany up on map, we all take." They say, "look at map Stalin!" Stalin look at map and immediately become sad; it too small and very bad, not like Stalin want. I tell them "Stalin see your trickery! You only give communism one part and give greedy capitalist of three parts! City of Berlin is in communism part too, you try to be sneaky and draw capitalism in Berlin on map; but Stalin know is no fair" Stalin know small part of Germany cannot fit Stalin who is 12 foot of height.
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| Stalin is very unhappy with capitalist scheme |
Roosterbelts and whiny-face Churchill say "We sorry Stalin, is way is to be." "Is not fair!" I yell. I tell guard "Go burn all crop of all capitalist Germany as punishment!!!" Guard say "no Stalin we cant do! Is only start another war Stalin!" "But is not fair! I do not care! This is no fair for Stalin!" I yell, knowing is of capitalist scheming. Stalin leave Rosterbelts and annoying Churchill and tell them "I build big wall in Germany city of Berlin, so you can no come to play with Stalin any more!" I say "wall will be 14 feet, as exact height of Stalin." Roosterbelts and crybaby Churchill no more friend with Stalin, they be sad very soon.
I have guard stop by gypsy village on way back and burn down houses anyway. Gypsy cry and watch village burn down to know how Stalin feel about capitalist scheming of Germany. Is not fair!
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| "Still is very funny" -Stalin |
